Archive for Relationships Parlor
05.28.09
Posted in Dating, Lifestyle Infos, Relationships Parlor at 9:26 am by admin
There’s lots of online dating tips for men and women online today. Below are four steps to aid you on your first date.
Step One -
You shouldn’t act only to impress her. Be yourself! If she sees that you’re only trying to impress her, she might lose interest. Try to pretend that she is just a acquaintance and you aren’t trying to win her over, and maybe you’ll be comfortable enough to more easily be yourself.
Step 2:
Remember – 1st impressions count! You have to make your date feel like you’re not a lousy or boring partner. Don’t talk too much – and try to balance the conversation. Don’t just say yes or no to her inquiries, but you also do not want to say your life history either. If you only talk about yourself, then you will sound highly vain and uninteresting!
Step 3:
You need to look confident on your first singles date. You need to make her feel like you are intelligent and intriguing. When you speak, you need to sound confident, but not bragging. Don’t make her detest you before she starts to experience you! You don’t desire to make your first date, your last date!
For my last point – you need to have fun with dating online! Try and forget your nervousness, and worries. Imagine like your not even on a date – but rather, merely hanging out with your friend. Hopefully your first date will be a memorable one.
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04.30.09
Posted in Relationships Parlor at 7:56 am by admin
No matter what type of wedding you are planning, whether it is going to be a big fancy formal affair or a simple informal one, it will almost certainly involve flowers. When you combine the beauty and fragrance of flowers with natural light, candles and soft, tinted electric lighting, the effect can be breath taking. To set a romantic scene for the wedding match the ribbons, flowers and lights in warm or pastel shades to complement or match your color scheme.
If you are going to need a lot of flowers give your florist plenty of notice so that he can free up time to get your order ready .How do you decide the amount of flowers that you will need? Make yet another list. Who needs flowers? The Bride, Maid of Honor, Bridesmaid, Flower Girl, mothers of the bride and groom, boutonnieres for the Groom, ushers, Fathers of the bride and Groom, grandparents of both the bride and groom. That’s a lot of flowers, but wait there are more> You will want flowers for the church, and for the tables at the reception.
When you visit the florist for the first time bring pictures of your dress, the bridesmaids dresses, and the dresses both mothers will be wearing. Also bring the grooms tux if it is any other color but black or white, so that the colors of flowers and ribbons wont clash with anyone’s clothes. A good florist will help you choose the perfect flowers to go with your styles and colors.
You may want to ask him to make you a small additional bouquet to throw, so you can have your bouquet preserved. Bring pictures of bouquets and arrangements, from magazines that you like so that he can understand your preferences and style. You will save money if you stick with seasonal flowers because it can cost a lot of money and time if the florist has to special order your flowers. There will also be an extra charge for shipping.
Sometimes, when a parent, sibling or grandparent of either the bride or groom, has passed away within the past year, the couple will stop at the cemetery on the way to the reception and place a single flower on the grave. Do this only if it will not be too stressful for you or your new husband. If a member of the immediate family is in a local hospital, brides and grooms often stop there on the way to the reception to let the patient know they are loved and missed.
Before ordering flowers for the ceremony, check with the church and see if there are size restrictions. Flowers for the reception should complement or match the flowers you and the bridesmaids will be carrying. What do you do with all of the beautiful arrangements on the tables, after the wedding. Some couples have a drawings for each table, to decide who gets to take the arrangements home. Others donate them to a nursing home., or women’s shelter to share their happiness, in a small way, with others. Did you know that in ancient times brides carried fresh flowers to mask the smell of people who didn’t bathe on a regular basis.
Mary Jane Holmes can help you. Find out how thousands of people have been helped with the advice and information. Visit this link for details: Concervative Bridal Gowns
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04.24.09
Posted in Relationships Parlor at 7:28 am by admin
Even though divorce rates in the U.S. have been steady the last few years, there are still a lot of couples getting divorced every year. Approximately one out of two married couples will end up in divorce court. And yet, marriage is still the ideal for most men and women. A recent survey of twenty-somethings indicated that 94% of these young men and women wanted to get married someday.
Most people go into a marriage with good intentions. They expect the marriage to last a lifetime, even though the odds for that are pretty grim. It’s becoming increasingly common for people to have two or three marriages in their lifetimes. This means, of course, that they will have had two or three divorces as well. So, the question for today is: can there be such a thing as a good divorce after a bad marriage?
There was an interesting study on unhappy married couples. These were couples considering divorce, but decided to stick it out for a while. The study found that within three years, most of the unhappy couples were now happy. They were glad they were still married and no longer wanted divorces. The conclusion was that unhappiness in marriage is fairly common, but it is temporary. The bad times don’t last.
There was another surprising discovery in the study. The researchers found that the couples who did divorce were no happier than the unhappy married couples. In other words, divorce solved nothing. And when the divorced couples did remarry, they were no happier-and, therefore, no better off-than were the couples who had stayed married. The lesson from all this seems to be: marital unhappiness doesn’t last and is not a reason to get divorced. In the long run, couples have their ups and downs, but the downs seem to be temporary. The marriage can be permanent and happy.
Still, there are marriages where conditions are bad and the differences irreconcilable. Abuse, abandonment, substance abuse, and infidelity are all situations where severe damage has been done to the relationship. All marriages cannot be made loving and happy again. Sometimes, divorce is justified. Sometimes, one or both partners ARE better off after the divorce.
So how do you turn a bad marriage into a good divorce?
First, acknowledge that you may still love your partner, but that your life will be better if you live your own life away from your partner. However, you can’t live your own life if you are focused on ruining his. To have a good divorce, separate physically and emotionally. Get over it and move on. The time and effort you spend on revenge or hatred is time wasted out of your own life.
Next, you may be getting a divorce but your children aren’t. They still have two parents. Forcing your children to take sides is using your children for your own selfish ego. Let your children grow up with two parents. Again, the time you spend trying to be the right parent, the good parent, is time better spent working on this new chapter in your life.
The relationship you have with your future ex during the divorce can make all the difference to the ease of the entire process. Accept responsibility for your part in the break-up and don’t throw insults and accusations back in your ex’s face. Your ex is not necessarily a bad person. He’s just not right for you. And, to keep your perspective ember, you’re not right for him.
During the divorce process and afterward when you’re single again, avoid going to family functions or social gatherings together. You are a single person once again. You have no social obligations to your ex. Socializing as a couple will only confuse the kids, give false hope to the families and muddle your own feelings. No convenience sex (ex sex).
You are truly your own person now. Make the most of it. Don’t waste your new life looking backward. Look forward with gratitude at the opportunities that await you as you begin this new chapter in your life.
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Dr. Alan Stafford, Relationship Results Coach
I help Singles and Couples build relationships that work
www.relationshipsuccessexperts.com
Click here to ask Alan a question
about your biggest relationship issue
http://relationshipsuccessexperts.com/askalan.htm
Get our free newsletter for relationship tips and advice
http://relationshipsuccessexperts.com/subscribe.html
©2005 Alan Stafford/Relationship Success Experts
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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03.09.09
Posted in Relationships Parlor at 5:22 pm by admin
Are you trying to pull off a wonderful wedding on a tight budget? It can be a challenge to find inexpensive and cheap wedding decorations and favors. However, there is hope and not all is lost. There is hope and a lot of things that you can do to maximize your money and still pull off the most memorable wedding ever. By following the steps and using the sources in this article you can easily cut your wedding decorations budget in half if not more. In fact if you look at it as a fun and existing challenge instead of a brick wall you can actually have a lot of fun. Have you ever gone to the grocery store and used double coupons and saved over 50% it can be a real thrill and if you keep the right mindset about find wedding decorations it can also be a thrill to find them for much cheaper.
Theme
The first things that you will want to consider before doing anything else is the theme of the wedding. Many people over spend on the wedding and decorations, invitations and favors simply because they are not sure what they are looking for and they over buy. If you have chosen your theme ahead of time you can be sure that what you purchase will fit right into the theme. It will help you focus more in the store and stay away from spontaneous purchases which can save big money by itself. It is kind of like not going to the grocery store hungry.
Also the theme you choose will have direct impact on the overall cost of the wedding and the decorations. For example if you want a very classic church wedding that looks like a story book you are going to have to pay big. However, if you decided on a beach theme for the wedding and actually get married on the beach and have a simple reception afterward you can easily save big money. So choose your theme wisely and know that less formal and more relaxed themes will go a long way to help saving money on wedding decorations.
Time
You want to leave yourself enough time. Often people put things off and then are rushed at the last minute to get the decorations done quickly. This will lead to you making spontaneous purchases that will cost you a lot of extra money. So get started early and take you time in making your decisions and you will find tons of inexpensive wedding decorations and ideas.
Buy Wholesale
Any time you can buy at wholesale prices you are going to save. Try looking in your phone book or online to find wholesale sources of decorations. The closer you get to the manufacturer of the product the cheaper the overall price will be. Don’t be afraid to make call or even go in and visit with people. IF you do not ask the answer is always no. However, often if you go in with a good attitude and ask what people can do to help you fit within your budget you will find more help then you wil know what to do with.
Use Price Comparison Online
The internet has truly changed the way we all shop. Now online you can find price comparison search engines. With these sites you can type in the item you are looking for say glass vases and they will provide you with an organized list of suppliers ranked in order of cost. This is an easy way to ensure you are getting the lowest prices on items.
Check eBay
This might not work for your particular situation but often eBay has incredible deals. If you check frequently on the site and have enough time you can easily pick up a ton of wedding decorations over 50% off.
Buy In Bulk
Again buying as close to the manufacture of the product as possible will save you money. Often you can buy things in bulk and then assemble yourself. This is a great way to cut costs and if you have a family member or friend helping out this can be a lot of fun putting together handmade wedding decorations.
Buy In Off season
Another trick that professional wedding planners use is to buy in the off season. If your wedding is still a year or so off into the future you can easily sweep up great deals in the off season. So if you have a summer wedding and are looking for beached themed wedding decorations in the winter you can be sure to save big.
Pieces and Part
Don’t be afraid to buy in pieces and parts. If you see an exceptional deal on an item that would work with some enhancements purchase it right away. You can then later think about what to add to it.
By simply planning ahead and carefully selecting your wedding theme you can easily save big money and stick to your wedding decorations budget. Take your time, assemble and do some of the work with friends and plan ahead and you will ensure success and big savings.
***Free 5 day Wedding Planning email course***. Free bonus included just for signing up check it out now before the offer is gone. Also learn more about Wedding Decorations.
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03.02.09
Posted in Relationships Parlor at 9:27 am by admin
Introduction: This article, represent the present situation of “Human Relations” in India. Here we will be talking about “Expectations” of a boy from a girl or vice-versa before marriage or what they look in their would-be before agreeing for “Marriage” or before accepting the proposal. To prepare this article, I interacted with 770 people across the country, covering cities like Delhi-NCR; Mumbai;Chennai; Kolkata; Pune; Hyderabad; Bangalore and Chandigarh.
In last 5 yrs more people applied for divorce in different courts in India than they did in last 50 yrs. One of the reason is that the “Expectations of Spouses” are changing. What are these expectations? Lets have a look.
Expectations (Conditions) of a female from a male…before accepting the proposal:
Security of Present (A guy must be employed, working
in a reputed company, at a powerful position and of
course with a handsome salary package…the more it is
the better it is.
Good Education (Preferably from Good…reputed
institute)
Security of Future (Must have dreams to chase; goals
to achieve. In short, must have potential to become
known, famous and popular)
Intelligence
Wealth
Looks and Appearance
Love and Care for her
Character and Values of a Guy
Respect for her parents and her relatives
Should not look at other girls or even have any
thought about them
(Order of Preference may vary from girl-to-girl)
Expectations (Conditions) of a male from a female…before accepting the proposal:
Looks, features and other physical attributes
Respect for his parents and relatives
Character and Values of girl
Social – Status of the family
Financial Status of the family
Past of the girl
Education
Emotional Stability
Must be willing to take-up household responsibilities
Should support him in all situations and circumstances
Considering the present economic scenario…she is
expected to be a professional
(Order of Preference may vary from Male-to-Male)
Conclusion
These inputs are given by different people…males and females included…across the country and present a broad picture of mindsets of people, who are in the age-group of 20-35 yrs of age. This is not restricted to or represents the views or any particular region; religion or community.
None of the above mentioned traits or qualities are illogical or irrational. But, one should set his or her priority list. You may not find all these qualities in one person but one can try to find the maximum or most important qualities. Its your life so
plan it properly. Don’t blame on others or God or on your fate. Decide what is important for you and then take a decision.
Looking forward to your comments and feedback.
With lots of love and care,
Sanjeev Himachali
(Mobile: +91-9876328841)
(E-mail: ss_himachali@yahoo.com;
sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com)
(Blog: http://sanjeevhimachali.blogspot.com/)
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03.01.09
Posted in Relationships Parlor at 11:20 pm by admin
At one time in my life I lead my marriage under my own understanding of what I thought was righteous and good. I was all-powerful. God? Who’s that? I was rebellious and stubborn to my husband because I was married to my selfish lifestyle and wayward beliefs that kept me from accepting and recognizing God.
I rejected my husband sexually because I often thought all he wanted was sex. How could anyone love me, after all I didn’t like the person who I had become? I rejected God for my life too, and that was the biggest mistake I had ever made.
I wanted to be in control just like most women want to be in control of their destiny and their life. And women do control well. In many marriages today women control the ship with poisonous demands while their husband’s cringe in the galleys like little lost boys who can’t find their way home. This is really happening, folks, and most people take it all in with a grain of salt. It makes movies like Broke Back Mountain come alive in its all its perverted sexuality.
Hollywood filmmakers and the Foreign Press promote and support the woman’s movement by slowly creating men to be distorted wimpy guys. The agenda has been going on for sometime now. It is a slow brainwash movement through the use of Hollywood and TV to make people think it is acceptable to be homosexual. Whether this is done for political reasons or not, it doesn’t matter because it is all in direct rebellion to God of Creation.
I truly don’t believe there are so many perverted individuals in the world to elect this garbage for top performance. These Hollywood programs are rigged. It is a bunch of propaganda to get people to give in and to believe in them instead of God.
Ask yourself this. Did God make another man out of the rib of Adam to be his companion? How could two men make babies and multiply the earth? They would both die old men and creation would be over!! Did God give Eve a penis? Why is woman made with such beauty and sexual care if not to give the “real man” great satisfaction in bed?
[Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; … Leviticus 18:22]
Did you know that that according to the Golden Globe Awards the top motion picture in Hollywood this year is about a couple of gay cowboys? This establishes a precedent for Hollywood to continue making more perverted trash. It’s nothing but filth! Is this what you want your children to watch?
When debauched films like BrokeBack Mountain become highly praised for their outright deviance the world is surely living in Sodom. Ah yes, biblical history coming back alive in the world. It happens all the time. I don’t take the bible literally but you don’t have to!! Look at the whole theme of the bible and it will answer all your questions on morality and ethics.
[Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders or thieves or the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 1Corinthians 6:9]
Why do you think there is so much divorce in this country? Some men are rethinking their own sexuality and deciding to go ahead and give the woman the lead to direct the ship to shore. They are bowing down to the woman’s movement because they have no spirituality, belief and religious conviction within them. They’re not the captains of their own ships because they themselves have no captain! This is the root of the problem. Where there is no God, there is no righteousness.
When a man does not allow God to command his own life he has no direction for his wife and family and cannot lead his home correctly because his heart does not hold the proper guidance of scripture. There is no spiritual conviction to lead the home. The woman will take advantage of her spiritual bankrupt husband and become out of control thinking she is really in control. She will become bossy, stubborn, controlling and rebellious in the marriage because she has been brainwashed into believing she is superior to her male counterpart.
You see this happening in Hollywood films all the time. You see it on TV every single night. Women being belligerent in the home, ignoring her children, committing adultery because she wants to have her own career and live the way SHE WANTS. It doesn’t matter what God wants for her.
Neither spouse realizes that the home only needs proper spiritual guidance to lead it according to its true purpose. To love, honor, and commit your self to one another.
It is an unethical philosophy taking over the mind of women today. It is destroying families. It is appalling how this accepted wisdom from the world is overtaking the minds of men. Men should be giving in to God, not some unspiritual woman who is trying to find her own way home and thinks she found it through some meaningless woman’s movement.
I believe that if a woman of the home can see clear enough to take her role as wife and mother seriously by acknowledging the spiritual Christ within her soul, she will see the truth for what it is. She doesn’t know that the truth will set her free from her self and that the unethical movement she is believing in is in direct rebellion to God and is untruth – a lie told by satan to break marriages apart.
[God made them male and female and said, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate. Mathew 19:4]
She must FIRST fix herself before she can love the man she married. She will discover how unique she is of her husband in a good way, and that she can compliment and help buildup her husband rather than constantly battle with him for her missing self. She should not be hesitant to be the beautiful creature God made her to be.
[Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.] Titus 2:4-5
Bottom line is marriage is not designed to accommodate two captains. Have you ever seen two captains charting one ship? Have you ever seen two Chief Executive Officers controlling one corporation? Have you ever seen two master chefs in one restaurant? Have you ever seen two dentists in one office? Have you ever seen two train conductors guiding the train? You get my point, right?
What can a man do when his wife abuses his manhood and won’t let him lead? He desperately needs to become the spiritual leader of the home and take the lead in that arena now! Accept God for you life! Study the bible diligently and seek out all that God wants for you and your marriage. A man will never truly be happy until he realizes his purpose and calling in life and then goes after those things with gusto.
[Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a WISE MAN who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against the house; yet it did not fall, because if had its foundation on the rock.] Matthew 7:24-25
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Angie Lewis, author of JOURNEY ON THE ROADS LESS TRAVELED has written another valuable book geared to married women and women who are thinking of getting married. In her book Angie shares her inspired divine wisdom that took her years to figure out and apply into her own marriage of 22 years.
“LOVE THE MAN YOU MARRIED” (A Woman’s Handbook For Marriage) will be released to the public in February 2006.
For more information on this book visit Angie’s website
http://www.spiritual.journeybooks.4t.com/
Subscribe to get your FREE monthly newsletter so you can learn to stay happily and forever married!
http://www.heavenministries.com/
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01.27.09
Posted in Relationships Parlor at 2:47 am by admin
12 Months before the Wedding
When choosing the flowers for your big day, enquire with a selection of florists at least 12 months in advance of the wedding day. All good florists book up quickly. You may get lucky and there is a cancellation – not so lucky for someone else though! Ask friends what florist they used for their wedding. Personal recommendations are usually the best indicator of how good a florists work will be.
Ask for a one to one consultation. Expect the appointment to last about one hour; much shorter and the florist is not giving you a thorough service.
If possible take a photograph of the wedding dress along with you, or at the very least have a detailed description of the dress. The florist needs to know where any special detail is on the dress so as not to cover it with flowers.
Try and take swatches of attendant’s fabric with you. Your flowers should complement the outfits, not match.
Let the florist know what budget you have in mind so they can work to it.
Together with your florist you will work out the design and quantity of wedding flowers you desire.
After your initial consultation a quotation and a booking form should be sent out to you.
6 Months before the Wedding
Have another bridal consultation. You will need to take a sample of fabric for your dress and the bridesmaid’s dresses. This allows the florist to work out what flowers and in what combination best suit your unique wedding outfits.
Any decent florist will show you samples of all the flowers in your bouquet so you will know what to expect in the finished article.
The bridesmaid’s bouquets tend to be half the size of the brides or of a complementary design. At the moment (summer 2006), wrist designs are very popular.
The boutonniere for the groom is usually designed with a selection of flowers used in the bridal flowers.
The best man and the bride and grooms fathers tend to have a smaller version of the grooms boutonniere.
For the mothers, suggest the flowers are attached with a magnet. This will avoid getting pin marks in their outfits.
Most florists hire out vases for the table centre wedding flowers. An alternative would be to buy the ones you prefer (Ikea and Tesco seem to be popular shops for wedding vases!).
3 Weeks before the Wedding
Confirm the date and time of the wedding with your florist. Ensure that gift bouquets are ordered for the mothers. Your florist should provide two deliveries – one for the bride and one for the groom.
The Wedding Day
If your florist does not suggest it, ask for advice on how best to hold your flowers in order for them to look their best in the wedding photographs.
If you have a tied bouquet, let the hotel to place it in a vase for you.
Enjoy your special day!
Sasha Fenby is NDSF qualified head florist at Forget Me Not florists. Sasha regularly demonstrates her art throughout the UK and has taught floristry since 1999. You can send flowers via Sasha to the UK and worldwide by visiting her website http://www.WeLoveFlowers.co.uk.
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01.09.09
Posted in Relationships Parlor at 11:01 pm by admin
Here are a few common sense rules for writing and giving a best man wedding speech or toast. Let them be a mini-guide to help you gain control over the outcome of your toast.
Don’t Wait Until the Last Moment
Writing a best man toast isn’t always as easy as it seems. You’ll stress yourself unnecessarily if you think you can write a toast the night before the wedding but instead experience writer’s block.
Don’t Tell Bad Jokes
We expect toasts to have a joke or two, but everyone has different tastes. Try not to say anything that would offend the couple or guests. If a joke bombs, it makes you look bad.
Don’t Ramble On
Assume your audience has a short attention span and will tune you out if you don’t make your point right away. Stick with things that are relevant about the bride or groom.
Don’t Be Drunk
A little alcohol may loosen up some inhibitions, but too much will make you look like a fool. If you had prepared well for the speech beforehand, too much celebrating may have destroyed any chance of delivering the speech that might have been perfect.
Do Be Prepared
The more time you give yourself to plan, write and practice the wedding speech, the better your performance will be at the wedding party.
Do Ask For Feedback
Allow a friend to hear your speech and ask for constructive feedback. Re-write your speech and recite it aloud again until your friend thinks you got it right.
Do Be Yourself
Write and speak from your heart. Allow your personality to blossom from your speech. Being natural will make giving the wedding speech easier. Let the guest enjoy your uniqueness and they will appreciate your speech even more.
Do Enjoy Yourself
It’s uncomfortable to see and hear a nervous speaker. Everyone, including the speaker wants it to end. If you look like you enjoy being the best man and giving the toast, then everyone else will be at ease and enjoy listening. Try to have a little fun; after all, it is a wedding party.
Final Thought
You will be giving the best man toasts. You’ll never forget this life event. Make the most of it by putting 100% of yourself into it. You’ll never regret doing it if you do everything right.
Copyright © 2006 by Leroy Chan
Discover how to get your best man wedding speech or toast ready in 60 minutes or less. For more info, visit Leroy Chan’s site: Best Man Wedding Speeches.
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01.08.09
Posted in Relationships Parlor at 6:16 am by admin
(This is part 2 of a 5-part series on making marriage work)
Are you in a long-term relationship where you are either fighting a lot of the time or feeling distant, disconnected, and without passion? Or, do you find yourselves going along fine until a conflict arises, and then you can’t seem to find way to resolve it? Do you either try to win by getting angry and defensive, or give in to avoid the other’s anger and defensiveness? Do you find yourself shut down, numbed out, or resistant much of the time? Do you and your partner love each other, but resentment is building because of all the unresolved conflicts and communication problems?
Relationship issues occur when the dual fears of loss of another’s love (rejection) and loss of self (engulfment) have been triggered. Each of us has learned protective ways of trying to have control over getting the love we need and avoiding the pain we believe we can’t handle. As soon as one of these fears is triggered, we automatically go into our learned ways of protecting against pain and trying to control the other person into being the way we want them to be. When we get angry, give in, withdraw or resist, this protective, controlling behavior often activates our partner’s protective controlling behavior. The interactions that follow may be filled with anger, blame, judgment, defensiveness, explaining, denying, withdrawal and resistance. Love does not flourish in the face of these difficult interactions.
In this series, I will show you how the 6-Step process of Inner Bonding can be used to completely change your relationship.
A simplified version of The Six Steps are:
1. Willingness
2. Choose the intent to learn
3. Dialogue with the feelings
4. Dialogue with your Higher Power
5. Take loving action
6. Evaluate the action.
We will start with Step One of Inner Bonding: WILLINGNESS. In Step One, you choose to be willing to feel your feelings and take responsibility for them, rather than turn to protective, controlling, addictive behavior.
You cannot change your automatic reactive behaviors until you become aware of the feelings of fear that trigger them.
What do you feel in your body when someone gets angry, blaming, or judgmental toward you?
What do you feel in your body when someone shuts down, withdraws, or becomes resistant toward you?
Take a moment to tune into your body and see what it feels like when your fears of rejection or engulfment become triggered. What happens in your stomach, your throat, your heart, your arms and legs? Does your body fill with adrenaline and go into the fight or flight reaction – the stress response?
You cannot begin to react differently when your fears of rejection or engulfment are triggered until you know that fear is being activated. You will unconsciously continue to respond with your learned protections until you become conscious of what you are protecting against.
We have all learned many ways of avoiding feeling and being conscious of our feelings. All addictive behavior – substance abuse, process addictions, reactive behavior toward others, and judgmental thoughts toward ourselves – are ways of avoiding feeling the deep loneliness, as well as helplessness over the other person’s behavior and feelings, that is at the core of all addictive behaviors. When your partner behaves in some rejecting or controlling way toward you, this deep loneliness and helplessness is activated. But these are such difficult feelings to feel that most of us will turn to our learned addictive behaviors to avoid them. We will either try to have control over the other person by getting angry, judgmental or giving in, or we will try to control the pain of the loneliness with substance and process addictions.
The only way out of this is to be willing to feel the very challenging feelings of loneliness and helplessness over others and learn to manage these feelings rather than avoid them. If you were to learn to accept and manage these feelings rather than turn to your learned protective controlling behaviors, you would begin to change the dysfunctional relationship system that may be eroding your marriage.
The Six-Step Inner Bonding process is a process for moving out of your automatic reactive behavior and into kindness and compassion toward yourself and your partner. The remaining articles in this series will show you how to do this.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com Phone sessions available.
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Posted in Relationships Parlor at 5:58 am by admin
When getting married one of the things that will come up sooner or later is the wedding gift list. Do you have one? How expensive should you make the items? How specific should you be?
Generally speaking if you do not provide your guests with an indication of what you want and need then any gifts they get are probably going to be the last thing that you actually want or need. The flip side to this is that some people are not confident that the present that they buy is going to be liked or appreciated.
Depending on how close you are to the family members you invite, they may or may not have any real idea of your tastes in style and you may very well end up with a nightmare present that you have to keep around the house and pretend to love in case they come to visit. Therefore it’s a good idea to try to be as specific as possible.
A lot of department stores and big brand websites now offer the ability to create your wedding list, either in the store or online. The advantage of an online list is that it gives you a web address you can direct your guests towards, allowing them to browse through the list of items you have selected. These lists will normally link to the item allowing online purchase for the selected product and easy delivery either to the guest or the wedding venue, on the date of the wedding.
Another factor to consider is how much time people will have to spend looking for gifts. A lot of people don’t like spending time walking around shops looking for presents, and e-tail is becoming a much more popular method for purchasing.
In today’s world the majority of couple have lived together for an extended period of time before getting married. Some are bringing items and furniture from two separate households together and finding they have toasters to spare.
As a result more and more people are using their wedding lists as a way of upgrading their homes and getting in more luxurious items that they might not otherwise spend their money on.
A wedding list has the advantage of giving the guests a selection of presents the happy couple really wants. Most of the practical items needed for setting up a new home, the more traditional wedding gifts are already there.
Changing in plates and cups for more funky designer items, swapping the bath towels over to luxury bath sheets or adding some stylish soft furnishings for around the home are all more desirable to receiving another sandwich toaster to sit in the cupboard.
Why not change your cheap Tesco’s wine glasses for some Riedel Crystal, or your dinner service to something designed by Missoni Home. For more expensive items you can always ask your guests to contribute towards rather than buying the gifts outright.
Whatever gifts you decide to go for you should try to make sure that they are items that you want or will use. The most important thing though, is to enjoy the wedding.
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